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<title>i’m finally free, free from the chains that held me down and kept me trapped by midnight_halcyon</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27482587">i’m finally free, free from the chains that held me down and kept me trapped</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_halcyon/pseuds/midnight_halcyon'>midnight_halcyon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Badboyhalo just lays on a roof and thinks about his life, Gen, Light Angst, i guess?, introspective</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:22:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,254</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27482587</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_halcyon/pseuds/midnight_halcyon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When you spend your whole life confined to an image of what others expect you to be, even the tiniest bits of freedom feel like the happiest moments of your life. And when you finally escape, it’s a feeling unlike any other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i’m finally free, free from the chains that held me down and kept me trapped</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As I lay with my back on the rough gravel on the roof</span>
  <span> of my apartment building, I stare at the sky and let my thoughts wonder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe there was a reason that I moved to this city, a reason I decided one day to leave everything I knew, to leave my hometown where through some connection, everybody knew everyone else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I know why I left, that was always going to happen. No one realistically thought that I was going to stay. Sure my parents and a few of my friends always told themselves that I wasn’t actually going to leave, that I would go away for college and then I would move back, because everyone always comes back, or they don’t ever leave in the first place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s just how my town was, you knew everyone, and your parents knew everyone’s parents, and your grandparents knew everyone’s grandparents, and so one. No one left, no one new came. It was constant, people played the role their parents decided for them, go to school, perhaps get a degree at the nearby community college a few towns over, return to the town and work the same job your parents had before you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And people went along with it. Everyone was content. It’s just how things were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And I hated it. Growing up, I didn’t enjoy most of the activities that were encouraged. I didn’t want to play sports, I had average grades, I didn’t want to socialize with others, I didn’t present any interest in dating, and I was always told off. Constantly told that I should conform and that I should just go along with what I was told to do, because that’s how it’s alway been and how it will be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And I hated it, I really hated it, but I played along, because what other choice did I have? I could comply and bide my time until I was eighteen and leave when I finally had control over my life. I could go along with what was expected and in return be granted with the limited freedom that was allowed in that town.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that’s what I did. I did what I was told and I played along, and I didn’t argue, but people knew. They could tell, I wasn’t going to stay, and they didn’t like it, but I went along with what I was supposed to do, as much as it pained me, and they ignored what was so obvious as much as they could. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the moment I turned eighteen, the moment that my parents could no longer control me, I left. I took my things and I went to college as far away as I could. And I got a degree and while I was finally free, my parents still kept in tough and told me that they expected me back. And even though I was legally an adult and they should have no control over my life anymore, they still controlled it. I still went back to that town for holidays and over summer break, and I still played along with what was expected of me, because they still knew where to find me, and they still knew what to say to get me to go along with what they wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> And for four years, I played along and I suffered through constant questions about my school and my current job and if I had a girlfriend and when I was going to come back and what I was going to do once I returned. And it pained me, because I had grown to hate that town, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Throughout college I grew away from my friends and the other people in that town who I grew up with, and I tried to put as much distance between myself and those people as I could, but my parents were persistent, and a few of my closer friends tried to stay in touch as well. And as much as I tried I couldn’t outright ignore them, especially since I still had to return to that town when I was away from school. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And I made it through school and my parents came to my graduation with questions of when I was coming home and where I was going to live and if I wanted to meet up with this nice girl that they knew and when I was going to get a job with them at their office. And I answered with half truths and “I’m not sure yet” and “I’ll tell you soon”s. And they, still deluding themselves from what everyone in that little town could plainly see, accepted my answers and returned home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And instead of returning home, I left. I moved out of my dorm and went to the biggest city I could find, and I blocked all of the numbers I had in my phone and I didn’t look back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And I could have gone to a lot of places. After all, this is a big country, and my parents had no idea where to even start looking. I could have gone to another small town, but I think that would have driven me completely crazy. The reasons I left that town had just as much to do with the fact that everyone knew everyone as the fact that I had no control over my life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And I guess I chose a big city because there were so many people. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t like human interaction much at all, my home life left me with a constant underlying fear that someone would judge me or try and manipulate me in any given interaction. Which isn’t the most healthy, but that’s besides the point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I chose the city because with so many people, it’s ridiculously easy to blend into the crowd, to get swept up in the masses of people and have no one notice me. And I can finally be myself with out having to wonder how much trouble my actions would land me in, even if I was just doing what made me happy, which is a reliving contrast to the constant, judgmental presence of the whole town that was the perpetual mark of my childhood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And I don’t ever plan on going back, I’m going to spend the rest of my life hiding in this city amongst the masses of people because if I returned to that town, I think I would truly break, because I spent eighteen years of my life in that town, and it tore me down almost to my base, and it’s taken me years of time away from that place to try and piece myself back together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And even now, when I’ve been living here in this city for nearly two years, the cracks are still so very obvious but I’m getting better. Because here I’m free. Here I can make my own decisions and I can live my life and I don’t have to constantly look over my shoulder for people watching my every move. Here I can struggle and there’s no one for me to have to hide it from. Here I can do what I want and be who I want and no one comes and forces me back into the mold of a perfect child from that stupidity perfect town. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I might be alone in this city, but I’m happier than I ever was in that town with all those people who always expected more than I could give. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>End.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There were a lot of things that caused Bad to leave the town in this story, and it’s really up to what you see in the story, but whatever the reasons, it’s behind him now. </p><p>Kudos and comments are appreciated! :D</p></blockquote></div></div>
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